my outlook on politics

I cannot help being an optimist. One day I’m down in the dumps and the next day I’m bouncing like Tigger =P Suddenly, everything that I was worrying about has drifted away like a wispy cloud and faded away into memory. I feel as if I had only been under some delusion before and none of that is true or matters very much. It was hallucination on my part, and everything in the world is alright. =)

What's the point of thinking otherwise? You might as well be short-sighted and happy, then be scrutinizing and morbid. Haha..either you mask the delusion, or you let it empower you - I'd like to see which happens next!

With elections just around the corner, there's no telling what will happen to the situation in Pakistan. One wonders whether things will improve or only get worse after Feb. 18th. I think most of Pakistan is united on one front at least: no Q's this time. We need people who'll mind their p's and q's...(pun intended) - I beg your pardon, that was a very pathetic pun indeed =D
Anyway, as I was saying, Pakistan is sorely in need of new blood on the political front. Who wants to elect ppl who've already shown us what brilliant people they were? One of them is permanently out of the picture now, but her followers want vengeance and any one of them could prove just as bad, if not worse. Of course, her juvenile son is totally under the spotlight at the moment, with girls swooning over him left, right and center. Two days after her death, and I was already sick of the endless talk, and about hearing girls exclaim excitedly over the good-looking teenage hunk who was handed down an entire political party as part of his inheritance.
Then we've got the formidable (not!) lions of lahore on the other front - just as unsuccessful in their twice stint and possibly just as corrupt.
Add the so-called religious moulvis into the equation and you've got one big nasty unsolvable problem. Their sincerity is as unreal as the number i, and twice as annoying to deal with. (I think that's enough, my math analogies are becoming increasingly slap-on-the-forehead material =P)

The fact remains, that for us 18 and 19 year olds who would be able to vote for the first time next month, the situation is not only bleak, but highly disillusional. We wanted to vote for Imran Khan, no matter how few chances he had of winning, (we could have changed that after all), but his decision to boycott the elections means that we are now going to sit on top of our votes and not use our new-found right. Perhaps next time - if I'm still in this country by then.

Something's happened.

It's changed! I can feel the difference now.
Where previously there was innocence, there is either hardness or dislike, or nothing at all. There are no soft-spoken words with healing power, nor open welcoming arms. There is only hatred.

It's like there's come this breach in the middle. Not even that, not a breach exactly. But things gave changed. And not for the better, I’m sorry to say. I’m almost afraid to accept it. It’s sad how one small incident, one small thing can change everything, alter the course of your destiny, diverge your path. Yes, that’s it. Divergence. It’s like when a beam of light strikes against a shiny surface that’s suddenly come up and is strongly reflected into another direction, at a sharp angle. The ray is still straight, but at odds to how it was before.

The next question is – who is to blame? I feel now, sometimes, that it could not have been avoided. I had no choice; at that particular moment, I could have done no better. But why, why must it make things seem so different? I don’t understand it. I don’t want to think of the line of dominos that will keep on dropping now that I’ve flicked one of them. If the consequences are what I’m afraid of, the worst possible, how will I be able to bear it?

I must be mad. I must be mad to care of it, but I do. I'm a fool for hope - I forever seek the light at the end of the tunnel, am forever certain of the dreamt-up fantasy as being my future. When will I learn to live in reality? When will I believe that whatever I am hoping for will not come to pass?

If it were possible to drown further in despair, I would. But I think I've exhausted it. I can no longer push myself. I don't want to dream any longer. I don't want to believe. The good will not come, the light will not come. Dreams will fall to the ground and shatter, be swallowed into the abyss and be engulfed by red-eyed fear - and they will not be fulfilled.

sunbathing...in rather different terms =P

I find the locations in GC highly inspiring. Without a doubt, it's an amazingly beautiful place! Sitting here in the sun in the Oval proves to be extremely enjoyable during the cold weather of January, provided the cold wind isn't dryly blasting across your face like it does nowadays.

I love the feeling of being in the Oval, like when these days it's dotted with small groups of ppl - in two's, three's or even a solitary figure - sitting and lounging around, working or just soaking up some sun. You only need to twist halfway backwards to see the main building and it's clock tower, and screw up your face at the unpleasant thought of it nearly being time for class. You walk into the main building off the road, pass by the Vice Chancellor's rooms and in the opening; scan the various people seated in the amphitheater for a familiar face; you reach the english department, climb the stairs up to the Central Library landing and reach the level of the trees, only to find two cute fluffy grey owls, perched next to each other on the same branch.

Of course, there's much more to see while traveling around the university, but I think this much is enough for now. While I try to move away to different locations, my mind incessantly prods me and nudges me back to my favorite haunt of the winter: the Oval.
The fact that these words are being put down while seated on one of the 'step' things that me and my four friends usually occupy is also very much the reason that I'm discoursing at length of this particular place. I can't help it; I love the sun! =) One element I cannot live without.
I look around and gaze at the goal towards the right of the ground and smile, thinking of Amoo and Yasmin lazily sprawled out in it, sleepy because of the sun's warmth, and covered from head to toe in dirt and grass =D

There are people from my class seated in places around me, as today is supposedly off but us goody-two-shoes kids have come to study anyway =P

My finals start the coming Friday and I'm not sure I'm totally prepared for them. (not surprised, huh?) The fact is, with not having enough gas at home to light a stove properly, let alone a heater, from 8:30a.m. to 11:30 at night, I do find it quite difficult to study in negative temperatures. I was thinking yesterday about how I used to complain in previous winters of the cold and willed it to be over as quickly as possible. That was surely a cinch! We had heaters then that could be turned on at will any time of the day or night and a geyser that never failed to turn on whenever we tried and hot water. This time, we have had much less; yesterday we had nothing. It was cold water from morning till end and bare hearths and empty fireplaces.

I hope I don't sound like I'm complaining =P But I do sound bitter, because that I am. There's not much exaggeration at least, that I can say.
I still have close to 45 min and I believe I should rest my pen for a while and peruse my notes. I do have exams coming after all.

I was crazy at college today!

I’m glad we started with Hamlet in World Literature class today. I’ll finally get the chance to read Shakespeare! Of course, at the moment we’re just doing it from the exam point of view, but after my finals I intend to get it a read it thru properly.

Its 2008!!! And also the first of Muharram today. The first day of our Islamic calendar.
They could think of no better way to end the previous year and start the new one than by the suicide blast on the Mall yesterday. I prefer not to think of it; I thought abt it incessantly all of yesterday, and it’s made me quite distressed.
Though, one thing that really cheered me up today happened right at the start of the day. In the dars-e-quran session, our lecturer talked about the message contained in Haj, of equality, applying to all mankind. The forceful way that he insisted that all of us are equal, none of us belongs to any sect whatsoever, each one of us is simply and truly a Muslim, and how the Quran names us as Muslims, so why should we take on any other name? I really can’t describe the way he delivers, his style of diction, the charisma…the most justice I can do to it is by stating that once or twice his speech actually moved me to tears. It was simply amazing.

I haven’t made my New Year resolutions yet. I have this mental list in my mind of all the things I have to do as soon as my semester break starts, and making up resolutions is definitely one of them.
I just need to get thru my finals somehow! That’s my resolution for the moment.

I can’t truly express myself today. There’s not enough feeling in what I’m writing. I’d better leave it for later. I’m off to a cyber-war! =P