Temptation, fish-style.

When you are part of a shoal of fish and suddenly this big, nasty net comes and catches you gill-side and you find yourself trapped against dozens of your flailing brothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and other relatives and then pulled out and slapped unceremoniously onto a hard surface while you desperately try to breathe...
I mean, that's not really your fault. You were just swimming along, minding your own business and hanging out with your numerous shoal-relatives when that net comes out of nowhere and hauls you in. Isn't that so?

But when you are a lone fish and you see a dangling, tantalizing nibble that appears to be just hanging around in the water in front of you and despite the tingling of some natural instinct passed down from your fishy forefathers, you decide to wrap your mouth around it and - floooshhh - you didn't notice the line attached to it and the hook may or may not be embedded through your lip and you're pulled up and tossed into a bucket and left to flounder until you are dead, wondering dimly why you didn't listen to your parents or pay more attention in school.

Really, I wonder, how often do you be that lone fish that gives in to temptation, and then have no one else to blame but yourself?

"Please pass the panic."

Various authors in their various books use various descriptions for a character who is panicking. They may say "he felt as if something large and wriggly was trying to force its way out of his stomach", or "she felt the blood rush to her head and there was a ringing in her ears in tune to her pounding heartbeat." The truth is, I have never felt like something large and wriggly was trying to force its way out of my stomach and I feel ... deprived. Like I have been cheated out of a great experience. I mean, yesterday's session of panic was SO wasted. Jeez.

The blood-rushing and the ear-ringing and the unsteady harsh breathing and the totally suddenly dry mouth (eww), I get that. It happens. I'd describe the blood-rushing more as it rushing out of my head rather than towards my brain, because it feels like a full-on downward trickling of blood. I wonder, when you have a moment of panic, why is it just for a moment? How long can someone be in that total-frantic-going-crazy-light-headed-blood-rush-panic mode before they have a fit or burst into tears or both?

P.S - When will I ever get half as much patience as my mother has?


Currently re-reading: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Watched: Kungfu Panda

I wonder.

They say you can only move forward in life; that you can't double back and change things that have passed, can't hope for chances to turn around and declare something as different. I say you can. But it's a one-way rail track, they say. Hmm. But we're not always traveling by train, are we?

To err...

Perhaps when your sins keep revisiting you, it is a good thing, because it is a reminder of the dark times in case you have forgotten them; a slap on the face, or a dunking of your head in cold water, a look into the mirror showing your inner self - a look through your own eyes. This, certainly, will help you not stray away to the darkness again. Painful reminders, but serving a good purpose.

Is there something wrong with wanting the good stuff? I mean, sometimes it seems the idea of wanting to be happy over sad doesn't mean anything at all. Why not sad? Why not existing the way things are...instead of forever trying to be happy, forcing yourself to experience merriment and joy when your being so obviously wants the opposite?
Only a tired person (like me, perhaps) would not find the struggle worth it. The constant struggle.

the day of the rant.

I invented the 'word-doodle'. Plus the word rantalicious. All in one day.

Today...Today i only say one thing: kapphata kapphata poof!

The Save-day

Today is the save-day. It's time to save emotions, save money, save hope. Tie it all up in a neat bundle, a red polka-dot 'kerchief, knot it onto the end of a stick, and get going. Save-day! I like you.


Time:
Waste?
Uh-oh.

hope

Is it your turn to lose control yet? I keep waiting for you to slip so I can stand up and claim my falls.

-

I am at peace. I feel better. Happy almost. Yes, I'm still lazy...but well, that comes with the package.
I need change though..constant change. I can't stand stagnation. I like it when my life is in flickering motion and everything around me is a blur, and then I can pinpoint that one non-moving object and make a decision.