Today i learned..

Today i learnt

That there are some things out there that will shape your destiny and the best thing you can do is love and have faith in Allah.

That there might be a cure to the feeling of helplessness, but the problem is that at that moment you're too darn helpless to think of a cure.

That sitting between ppl and hearing, seeing and feeling that they do not understand is one of the worst and saddest feelings in the world.

That the realization that one thing is going to create distance is heart-rending.

That sometimes, you really are wrong.

That some things will never change, but there are still many things that are in your power to control.

the crank

When was the last time things went my way? I'm going to burst soon. I can't have deserved this much punishment. When will it end?

the crutchy life.

The Crutchy Life

1. You have lots and lots of time to contemplate life, but you don't.

2. You experience every mood you have ever known, all in one day, everyday. Except perhaps embarrassment, because you start getting immune to that one.

3. You leave the bathroom door wide open most of the time.

4. You master the art of balancing trays on your lap..

5. ..while eating, texting and/or using the laptop.

6. Walking in squares is not that fun anymore.

7. You get room service.

8. You discover the true meaning of the word/object 'bed'.

9. You choose Grey's Anatomy over The Ten Commandments (totally loony).

10. You sleep alot.

11. You start respecting your family more...mostly their level of patience.

12. You run through messaging packages much more quickly, and still feel emptier than ever.

13. Once you sit down, you tend not to get up. for-like-freaking-ever.

14. The day you don't fall in the bathroom is epic.

15. Things like taking a shower, having lunch/breakfast/dinner/tea/brunch, and moving from point A to point B, becomes an event.

16. Yes, you start having lunch+breakfast+dinner+tea+brunch - everyday.

17. You have messy pathetic moments much more frequently.

18. You have messy lovey-dovey/mushy moments, much more frequently.

19. Your sense of humor becomes directly proportional to ... nothing.

20. You can never be fully comfortable out of the house with 'them'.

21. You really really really start hating stairs. Seeing them, hearing about them, climbing on and off them.

22. Final exams may or may not be a blessing.

23. Room service comes with its own call bell.

24. You like to think you're all murderous and can scare ppl at night when they're alone, you think you've got that image now, sans the eyepatch.

25. Your attempts at being a ninja are hopelessly marred by the pretty clinking and clanking and 'thunk-thunk' at every step.

26. You try to be a ninja anyway.

27. You envy ppl who are doing good workouts and wish you could be doing the same even though you know you wouldn't if you weren't in the crutchy life in the first place and won't once you get out of it either.

28. You feel pathetic, but at the same time you feel pathetic for being pathetic, and angry at feeling both.

29. Flowers eventually wilt.

30. You don't do chores. You devise new ones for everybody in addition to all the ones they are doing already in your place.

Feb 20th.

I, soul alone, am caught in this web of huge proportions. Transparent steel fiber wrapped around and around each wrist – knotted, frailed, knotted – spiraling out, twining up my legs and around my waist; held fast. Web; shiny and translucent, glow-in-the-dark menace and elastic cords designed to cause *panic*

You creep along your master strand, your wide walkway, gangplank, rolling up your spare wire in the other hand upon your natural spool. You, black widow spider, brown widow spider, wolf spider, you clasp together your weaponed hands and cackle. Menacingly. Ghoulish lights flicker off green slime-covered walls, and you cackle. You lightly run a finger, a single finger along a sharp cord as you pass, and sparks fly and screeches are heard and ears protest, and you cackle.

My heart, hard and fast, pushing up towards my throat, threatening to suffocate me, while I try to hurriedly force down air that is non-existent and unreliable. Dark spots appear, lights blur and kaleidoscope, your eyes appear numerous – I blink. You still have 8 eyes.

I want to shrug off these bonds; one good shiver and see them torn at my feet, but steel gossamer is an untried opponent…
My feathers begin to wilt.

Bloodshot eyes stare into bloodshot eyes. Long black tongue hungrily licks its lips while darting tongue frantically licks dry parched lips. Lips bared in a foul grin; lips bared in an angry grimace.
You circle, I am cornered. You against me…

Bring it on.