Something's happened.
It's changed! I can feel the difference now.
Where previously there was innocence, there is either hardness or dislike, or nothing at all. There are no soft-spoken words with healing power, nor open welcoming arms. There is only hatred.
It's like there's come this breach in the middle. Not even that, not a breach exactly. But things gave changed. And not for the better, I’m sorry to say. I’m almost afraid to accept it. It’s sad how one small incident, one small thing can change everything, alter the course of your destiny, diverge your path. Yes, that’s it. Divergence. It’s like when a beam of light strikes against a shiny surface that’s suddenly come up and is strongly reflected into another direction, at a sharp angle. The ray is still straight, but at odds to how it was before.
The next question is – who is to blame? I feel now, sometimes, that it could not have been avoided. I had no choice; at that particular moment, I could have done no better. But why, why must it make things seem so different? I don’t understand it. I don’t want to think of the line of dominos that will keep on dropping now that I’ve flicked one of them. If the consequences are what I’m afraid of, the worst possible, how will I be able to bear it?
I must be mad. I must be mad to care of it, but I do. I'm a fool for hope - I forever seek the light at the end of the tunnel, am forever certain of the dreamt-up fantasy as being my future. When will I learn to live in reality? When will I believe that whatever I am hoping for will not come to pass?
If it were possible to drown further in despair, I would. But I think I've exhausted it. I can no longer push myself. I don't want to dream any longer. I don't want to believe. The good will not come, the light will not come. Dreams will fall to the ground and shatter, be swallowed into the abyss and be engulfed by red-eyed fear - and they will not be fulfilled.
It's changed! I can feel the difference now.
Where previously there was innocence, there is either hardness or dislike, or nothing at all. There are no soft-spoken words with healing power, nor open welcoming arms. There is only hatred.
It's like there's come this breach in the middle. Not even that, not a breach exactly. But things gave changed. And not for the better, I’m sorry to say. I’m almost afraid to accept it. It’s sad how one small incident, one small thing can change everything, alter the course of your destiny, diverge your path. Yes, that’s it. Divergence. It’s like when a beam of light strikes against a shiny surface that’s suddenly come up and is strongly reflected into another direction, at a sharp angle. The ray is still straight, but at odds to how it was before.
The next question is – who is to blame? I feel now, sometimes, that it could not have been avoided. I had no choice; at that particular moment, I could have done no better. But why, why must it make things seem so different? I don’t understand it. I don’t want to think of the line of dominos that will keep on dropping now that I’ve flicked one of them. If the consequences are what I’m afraid of, the worst possible, how will I be able to bear it?
I must be mad. I must be mad to care of it, but I do. I'm a fool for hope - I forever seek the light at the end of the tunnel, am forever certain of the dreamt-up fantasy as being my future. When will I learn to live in reality? When will I believe that whatever I am hoping for will not come to pass?
If it were possible to drown further in despair, I would. But I think I've exhausted it. I can no longer push myself. I don't want to dream any longer. I don't want to believe. The good will not come, the light will not come. Dreams will fall to the ground and shatter, be swallowed into the abyss and be engulfed by red-eyed fear - and they will not be fulfilled.
