Of sunsets, and pretty skies.

This time of the year gives us amazing views of the sky - formations of clouds, interspersed with colors of merging shades, with sunlight sparkling in here and there. Not only is the weather getting warmer, but the transition visible up high is beautiful. No matter how bad my day is ending, I get to see a pretty sunset which gives me something to feel good about.
I love those times, few but precious, when I cannot for the life of me feel upset about anything.
Grey-blue and white, purple-blue, indigo, paler, and pink. Sometimes salmon. Bright heaven - peeping out from between a tear in the fluffy world up there. Everything makes sense. Everything is simple. Peace. Serenity. Love. I can fly up to do anything and be everything.
I can breathe.

I resolve to...

I feel like The Crutchy Life was one of my best posts. Being bedridden might have contributed a lot to that. Needless to say, I might be able to produce another such masterpiece. Only because my laziness = being bedridden.
I've got a lot to brag about.

Yes. Resolutions. Let's make this serious shall we?

1. I shall not procrastinate...quite so much (jeez, the loophole makes it more realistic, so enough with the pointed looks!)

2. I shall not lie.

3. I shall remember Allah and my purpose in life as much as I can.

4. I shall be grateful and look at those beneath me when in need of such thoughts.

5. I shall be honest with my work. And continue to help those in need.

6. I shall not raise my voice when in civilized company (no 'grumbling' loophole for you, brat!)

7. I shall take better care of myself, health 'n' all.

8. I shall write more, for preservation of my sanity, and everyone else's around me [plus, to help prevent numero 6 from backfiring].

9. I shall continue my quest to search for a way to read ebooks on-the-go (good luck with that, sneered the mean voice in her head).

10. I shall sulk less, daydream less, be less indecent in my thoughts, and spread general goodwill among the public (yeah ok, the last one was just a dud to complete the sentence)

11. I shall not be too friendly to people so I don't have to make new friends and stop creating/sharing the huge emotional vortex/whirlpool.

12. I shall try to consume large amounts of candy.

13. I shall thrive less on the funny feeling. Humor is best left to elbows.

14. I shall help more at home.

15. I shall keep my sense of humor upright (yeah, the funny feeling has nothing to do with being funny, figured that out now, didn't you?)

16. I shall not look at cute guys. I shall not think about cute guys.

17. I shall finish this list, eventually.

Twenty one one!

I just realized, my last post was my first of the new year! Needless to say, my top of the list resolution, THAT IS, procrastination, is one never to be fulfilled, so I refuse to write down any other resolutions until I can cross it off the list. The odds that it will happen? Not good. The fact that I can't resolve to do anything else until I learn not to procrastinate is kind of ok because I wouldn't even get to anything else on the list until I can get rid of numero uno, and then, somewhere inside I know one tiny reason that list isn't coming out is because I'm procrastinating and not writing it. The writing part is easy. It's the thinking I'm trying to save my brain from.
Conservation of what, may I ask?

All I want is an extra cheesy pizza, total fatness, movie on a comfortable couch, and yeah. That. Too much to ask for? You'd think I'd have been asking for something like...yeah. But really, seriously, all I want is....

=)

Sufficiently annoying I would say. You know what, I think I'm going to make out that list after all. February 6th resolutions, here I come!

the moron lives

"I mean, it's embarrassing, telling the person you love that you love them. It shouldn't be, but it is. Also, it didn't seem like something Jane Eyre would do."

New love: The Princess Diaries

I wish I was Meg Cabot's best friend.

Me and the banana tree <3

I wanna sing a song to that banana tree, because it surely made my day! And to think, I didn't even know I owned my very own b-tree. How many of you have seen one for real?

Is there something wrong with wanting the good stuff? I mean, sometimes it seems the idea of wanting to be happy over sad doesn't mean anything at all. Why not sad? Why not existing the way things are...instead of forever trying to be happy, forcing yourself to experience merriment and joy when your being so obviously wants the opposite?
Only a tired person (like me, perhaps) would not find the struggle worth it. The constant struggle.

sunshine-fairy-goblin-happy!

This post has been waiting to get its bum up here for a few days now. And today it sees the light! (ignoring the fact that it is now evening).
And why is this post so darn special over all other oh-so-amazing bloggies of mine?
Because

it

is

an

announcement

(ok I'll stop that, I know its getting annoying)

Because it is an announcement bloggy! To declare that I have somehow recovered my sense of humor. Its been a few years since we've met so one of us is acting a little shy, and I'm not sure which. In any case, goodbye to the angst-filled bloggies of moi, and hell-o to sunshine! <3

P.S. - I will add a totally cool new accessory to my laptop soon and that will make me happppyyyyy (x100). Plus it'll make me feel all high-tech and everything.
It's called a mouse. Jealous, much?

Come and dissect. Please. Pretty please. Soon, and swiftly. Then slice the umbilical cord in one quick movement and lay out the body to rest. Leave the mind in turmoil, but the let the body to rest.

drag

Procrastination has become embedded inside me, engraved on every fiber of every muscle.
Pulling it out could be a nasty business, but then are so many other businesses. Nasty. Nasty jobs are usually VERY satisfying once they have been fully accomplished. Hence, I shall proceed straight to the nasty. No more procrastinat-blah-ing. I'll get right on it - once I've finished writing the rest of what must be written. Written NOW.
Haha.
Lame.
Thank you *bows*

These fluctuations I do not understand sometimes. Why do they come? And what do they mean? Sometimes I think it's because I am not at peace, and my being is in too much turmoil, and once I achieve that peace of mind that my body seems to be revolting for, they will disappear.
I cannot fight against them all the time - mainly because I am not a fighter, and I tire quickly. It is so much easier for me to give in to my demons than to grapple with them. Is it possible to become a fighter or do you have to be born one? I was not born one.

If only I could emulate these feelings of goodwill from myself all of the time, not just like now, and then, and then, and a bit more. Consistency, but in a positive way.

1. Allah can do anything.
2. The earth and sky are for us.
3. None can create any likeness of the Book.
4. The fuel for the Fire is men and stones.
5. No examples used are too small or insignificant; that which He creates, He can quote.

Surah Al-Baqarah - today's lessons learnt.

The magpies are back

The magpies =(
How I can sometimes not stand them. I cannot even flap my arms at them and make them fly away because the magpies are not afraid of me. They are slowly turning me into a magpie too. Moody little me. I am becoming a magpie. This I realized today. And decided I needed to do something about it. Only when I have stopped becoming a magpie myself can I do something about the existing magpies. Or have I already become like them? =(
It is easy to feel like a stupid little something around big people. Big people with big mouths and big heads and dreams and ideas and aspirations and passion and...and goals. Goals. Despicable goals.

Fight

Horrible horrible dreams. People from the half-past out to haunt you. Open deception, lying, cheating, lap it all up. Relive moments that you try to keep pushing back and out and down and away. Relive them, but do you act all the same? Or this time, does nobility and honor save you? And make you act differently...
Watch it make all the difference in the world.
Burn out contact points. Smoke and burn. Brush the ash under the floor carpet. And feel it under the soles of your feet every time you walk across the room. Again, and again, walk, and feel. Again. And again.
Beg and grovel for release from painful memories whisked out of your subconscious that whip you on old scars, and then create new ones.
Beg.