Peace.

Busy for so long, so infinitely long, that things have been unthinkingly suppressed. This I should have foreseen...the slightest hint of room in my mind to think, and the world would turn upside-down. So much came tumbling out all at once that at first my mind was unable to numb me from the shock and save me from the tumultuous confusion that followed. Then I spent three agonizing 24-hour sessions sorting through the mess: feeling, thinking, tearing, despairing, and being a general robot. Now I am not calm - I am simply numb. It's what I'm best at. And of course, it means I've shelved most of the garbage again, and a bit of provocation will lead to a meltdown. So be it. Everything I cannot control.
Numbness breeds indifference. I long for those days when I could be completely numb. But somewhere along the way someone broke through my defenses and now totality is something I can no longer achieve =/ I am bitter. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to spread or share. When ever before have I felt so helpless? So...alone. I sorted and sifted through card after card, face after face, and found no one. Hence, the armor is coming on up. I'm building back my walls again. I might answer if you knock hard enough. Otherwise, I'm shelled.