I am a drifter.
I drift on the wind, with the wind, by the wind...
I drift because I cannot be tied down. I try, but after a little while, they cut me loose again. They cut me loose because they tire of holding on to my strings against the wind's buffeting. And once I am loose, I close my eyes and let the wind take me where it will.
Previously, this has led me to land in places where the wind, perhaps, should not have dropped me. I have made mistakes. Because I get so used to the feel of the wind that I forget that back on solid ground, I am not one with the wind anymore. I forget, and I make mistakes.
I am floating on the wind again right now. I'm letting out branches, feelers, breathing in strange sights and noises. Newness. I need new. I need change. I am getting it.
I have learned. Now, I know I must let out roots before I let out more branches. They don't keep me tied down; I have to tie down myself, lest I am lost again. I have to believe in something, lest I will believe in everything, and then in nothing.
I am newly healed, I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve. Not again. Not yet.
I need to let down roots. Deep into the ground. Deep into secure embraces and warmth. Deep into cold wet clamminess. Like and dislike. Deep. Secure.
I cannot ignore the wind; it is pulling at me. I am going to close my eyes now, close my heart, but not my mind. And I will drift...
I drift on the wind, with the wind, by the wind...
I drift because I cannot be tied down. I try, but after a little while, they cut me loose again. They cut me loose because they tire of holding on to my strings against the wind's buffeting. And once I am loose, I close my eyes and let the wind take me where it will.
Previously, this has led me to land in places where the wind, perhaps, should not have dropped me. I have made mistakes. Because I get so used to the feel of the wind that I forget that back on solid ground, I am not one with the wind anymore. I forget, and I make mistakes.
I am floating on the wind again right now. I'm letting out branches, feelers, breathing in strange sights and noises. Newness. I need new. I need change. I am getting it.
I have learned. Now, I know I must let out roots before I let out more branches. They don't keep me tied down; I have to tie down myself, lest I am lost again. I have to believe in something, lest I will believe in everything, and then in nothing.
I am newly healed, I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve. Not again. Not yet.
I need to let down roots. Deep into the ground. Deep into secure embraces and warmth. Deep into cold wet clamminess. Like and dislike. Deep. Secure.
I cannot ignore the wind; it is pulling at me. I am going to close my eyes now, close my heart, but not my mind. And I will drift...
Why tie yourself down? The idea of putting down roots, finding stability is appealing. But at any cost? At the cost of the truth? For truth requires that you tie yourself down to nothing. That you learn everything anew, knowing a thing to be true because it is true. Not because it is easy to forget..
ReplyDeleteA wise man once said, "You can either have a life of joy and happiness or a life of meaning and truth. But you can't have both."
I'm not sure I understand the wise man's quote (I'm not wise enough I suppose?). Exactly I need that stability for which I am putting down roots, but they do not have to be permanent, do they? For now, I place trust in them, and believe them to be enough to anchor me for, yeah, forever. Without any sort of binding, I would neglect relationships and people, and you cannot live a life on this earth without those sort of ties. At times, my drifting is a very selfish act, and not honoring ties leads to hurting others, and I am starting to realize this now after I have doled out hurt to people I should not have.
ReplyDeleteMy point is, I can still feel the wind in my hair and on my face even while I've got my feet planted on solid ground =) I'd like to get used to that feeling - balance.
Love the ambiguity - the need to put down roots vs the need to drift. I think that's something a lot of us either struggle with, or accept!
ReplyDeleteVery true =) I've been struggling with this for a year, but last night I was able to put it down in words for the first time because I felt caught in the cycle again.
ReplyDeleteIts sad how it is easier to accept safety and security (which is just an illusion) rather then to accept that there is chaos everywhere. The patterns that govern our lives are beyond our understanding or power to define.
ReplyDeleteWe only have this one short life. Too short to miss out by compromising on safety over risky truth
I don't believe constant security is what a person strives for anyway. You do the best with what you have - that is exactly why, because you have one short life, it is up to a person whether they would spend it in risks or lean towards security at some points, as long as they live with no regrets. To each his own.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post! Really like it. Might as well take all chances and let go of all that is safe. You never know what you might find 'drifting' :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for joining in the hop this week! And thank you for grabbing a button. Hope you have a good one!
This was just beautiful. I don't know what it is about this time of year, but the crisp autum air and the changing leaves gets me ansty and wanting something different. But alas, that's how I spent my 20's. Constantly drifting, moving and trying new things. And I wouldn't trade it for anything.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much =D
ReplyDeleteu drifter!! :P
ReplyDeleteWell...you can't help drifting if winds pulls you away. The urge to let go of the restrains, it is valid. There are two ways for a drifter: to give up the wind and the scent of freedom and put down roots in the secure soil wherein lies security but with bonds; or to drift, to see life manifest in its many colors in those many, far-off lands. And to really, live!
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written words. I am happy to hear that you are a drifter because in this way I feel you will experience so much more of life, as opposed to someone who plants their roots and never lets go (such as myself, haha). I like your writing style, it's very poetic and honest.
ReplyDelete~SP
Drifting is hard though...that's what I'm realizing this time around when the winds start calling. I want to be stable for a little while.
ReplyDeleteAnd salman, do there really need to be only two ways? My way is to find middle ground. I think I explained that in one of the comments above already =p
Thank you so much Shane..your words are too kind!
Hmm... yes.. I think finding middle ground is more important then finding security or free falling.. I have realized that as I come into the twilight of my life... All my life I have drifted... and now at the end of things it's the most terrible feeling I could have imagined.. to know that I lived my life for nothing, held on to nothing. I let go of everything that mattered till there was nothing left but my own comfortable misery. Loneliness is my true skin now.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, find a balance. Find stability. Find things to hold on to without questioning them. I wish I had know how to do that, while I still had life to look forward to =(