I had intended to be more regular with this, but ended up letting more than a week slip by before I could open the 'new post' page and let it out as I should have. Everyday I thought about coming here but only managed to go through all the blogs I follow that I hadn't read for almost two months. And stayed silent.
And then I had something else to talk about and this post got shelved for a little while longer.
It is hard, I have discovered, to express the way I once could. It is so much easier now to be silent about what I feel. If anything, I used to hide things within complicated and abstract words and sentences, but the need to express and share was always there. This new me is difficult, difficult to understand.
For a while I intend to go completely the other way in an effort to reverse the effect. Be more open that I was ever before, just so I can find the way back to my hidden-meanings-yet-saying-everything kind of ways.
Yup.
I kind of have started it already, in several minor ways. Opening up privacy settings and seeing how it makes me feel (NOT Facebook; never Facebook!). Trying to say things aloud instead of being the quiet observer who talks too much in her mind. Speaking through several media: photos, text and small gestures.
I have never cared before about letting people know anything about me, but now I am making efforts to put forward my interests and talk about them as much as I want. Religion. Loves. Hobbies. Opinionated stuff. It's a start.
I removed my 'About me' page from this blog for a little while so I can write up something that reflects more of what I am trying to do. Who knows, maybe I'll eventually open this blog up to search engines too.
The important thing is that we constantly strive for change. Always the change that will lead you to be a better person. Sometimes I am also unsure of my path, about which road I should take, but I know it is only a matter of time before that will be clear to me too. So I stumble on, just keeping sure that the path I am taking is not the one that would lead me to something worse, just keeping to the one that shows a better 'me' at the end.
And then I had something else to talk about and this post got shelved for a little while longer.
It is hard, I have discovered, to express the way I once could. It is so much easier now to be silent about what I feel. If anything, I used to hide things within complicated and abstract words and sentences, but the need to express and share was always there. This new me is difficult, difficult to understand.
For a while I intend to go completely the other way in an effort to reverse the effect. Be more open that I was ever before, just so I can find the way back to my hidden-meanings-yet-saying-everything kind of ways.
Yup.
I kind of have started it already, in several minor ways. Opening up privacy settings and seeing how it makes me feel (NOT Facebook; never Facebook!). Trying to say things aloud instead of being the quiet observer who talks too much in her mind. Speaking through several media: photos, text and small gestures.
I have never cared before about letting people know anything about me, but now I am making efforts to put forward my interests and talk about them as much as I want. Religion. Loves. Hobbies. Opinionated stuff. It's a start.
I removed my 'About me' page from this blog for a little while so I can write up something that reflects more of what I am trying to do. Who knows, maybe I'll eventually open this blog up to search engines too.
The important thing is that we constantly strive for change. Always the change that will lead you to be a better person. Sometimes I am also unsure of my path, about which road I should take, but I know it is only a matter of time before that will be clear to me too. So I stumble on, just keeping sure that the path I am taking is not the one that would lead me to something worse, just keeping to the one that shows a better 'me' at the end.
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