the craving for pancakes and maple syrup

hello. how are you? i hope you are doing well.

I hope.

Hope.

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

There is more to a fever-induced delirium than is visible to the mildly unconcerned eye. More than what comes sprouting out of your mouth or dribbles inconsiderately in any crooked fashion. The question, the very question, that you elude. That, is the delirium. The question. The question you elude.

Peace.

Busy for so long, so infinitely long, that things have been unthinkingly suppressed. This I should have foreseen...the slightest hint of room in my mind to think, and the world would turn upside-down. So much came tumbling out all at once that at first my mind was unable to numb me from the shock and save me from the tumultuous confusion that followed. Then I spent three agonizing 24-hour sessions sorting through the mess: feeling, thinking, tearing, despairing, and being a general robot. Now I am not calm - I am simply numb. It's what I'm best at. And of course, it means I've shelved most of the garbage again, and a bit of provocation will lead to a meltdown. So be it. Everything I cannot control.
Numbness breeds indifference. I long for those days when I could be completely numb. But somewhere along the way someone broke through my defenses and now totality is something I can no longer achieve =/ I am bitter. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to spread or share. When ever before have I felt so helpless? So...alone. I sorted and sifted through card after card, face after face, and found no one. Hence, the armor is coming on up. I'm building back my walls again. I might answer if you knock hard enough. Otherwise, I'm shelled.

Me

"Come little girl, let us wander down half-lighted forest paths, crunch through dead pine needles and broad leaves, and chase after wriggly worms while the sun plays perpetual hide and seek. Come!"

Jan'na chahtay ho?

La waris lash ki tadfeen ka tareeqa
1. Lash ka postmortem honay say pehle phone krein.
2. Murg report, naql report aur lash ki 4 adad taza tasaweer.
3. 2 adad constable humrah.
4. Dopaihr aik bajay k baad lash wasool nahi ki jaye gi.

The Cry.

Negativity we must conquer. Climb up on and on, forever and ever, buffeted by despairing winds, pushed backwards, and then pulling up and against it, and wheezing through each semi-movement.

Feed not the wrong wolf, I hear her say. I believe it, but is it enough to abashedly brush things under the carpet, or should one somehow extract it out like a dentist in a good mood? I must get out of the dung-hole before it's too late. Somehow. Soon.
I am trying, I tell myself. Over and over i repeat it, whisper it, scream it into my own ears, wail and gasp and screech and tear. I repeat. But is it true?

But the heartache will not lessen.
It will not.

Help.

the last

Come and go, come and go, touch and whisper, on and off, you: top, i: top, paint, words, videos, music, pictures and priceless love. the world turns round and comes full circle. karma...do your thing! punishment is mine!

The Cruet

"And she held it carefully with both hands, bending down to peer inside, her tightly curled brown locks swinging around her expression of wonder and excitement. With the palm of her left hand, she rubbed it slowly, back and forth and waited expectantly..."

Straight.

Locks are important!

“Books take you down silken paths and rough-hewn stone roads alike, comfort you and condemn you, exasperate and entertain, and are yet unlike any friend you have ever known. Treasure them.”

Says moi.
Blah.
Whatever.

mein.

Pagal.

Aj ka din kardiya teray naam.
Aj pagal hona hai tu ho jao, nahi hona…tab bhi sahi hai.
Agay pechay kisi ko batanay ki zaroorat nahi hai.
Pehlay jo karna hai wo karo, bad mein jo dimag mein aya, wo bad mein karna.
Hath churwana ziada sahi hai. Pakar k rkhnay se uljhan hogi.

Pagal.

Magnet-o

You and I, we are opposite poles of the same magnet...strongly attracted but destined not to meet.

If only I were paper, to be torn down the middle easily and let fly with the strong wind, to reach where I must reach.
My location.
My destiny.

My urgency grapples with me..claws at my throat and threatens to suffocate..blinded with tears and still struggling...if letting go and going down under had been an option, it would have been easily taken. But there is no such option. Fight - fight and be overwhelmed, but not completely, held in mid-air, legs dangling, gripped by the throat by urgency .. you cannot escape.

Whisper it.
Scream it.
Shout it until my ears become deaf to your call.

Shout it ... until my ears become deaf to your call..

Shout it....

the day of the rant.

I invented the 'word-doodle'. Plus the word rantalicious. All in one day.

Today...Today i only say one thing: kapphata kapphata poof!