Come and dissect. Please. Pretty please. Soon, and swiftly. Then slice the umbilical cord in one quick movement and lay out the body to rest. Leave the mind in turmoil, but the let the body to rest.

drag

Procrastination has become embedded inside me, engraved on every fiber of every muscle.
Pulling it out could be a nasty business, but then are so many other businesses. Nasty. Nasty jobs are usually VERY satisfying once they have been fully accomplished. Hence, I shall proceed straight to the nasty. No more procrastinat-blah-ing. I'll get right on it - once I've finished writing the rest of what must be written. Written NOW.
Haha.
Lame.
Thank you *bows*

These fluctuations I do not understand sometimes. Why do they come? And what do they mean? Sometimes I think it's because I am not at peace, and my being is in too much turmoil, and once I achieve that peace of mind that my body seems to be revolting for, they will disappear.
I cannot fight against them all the time - mainly because I am not a fighter, and I tire quickly. It is so much easier for me to give in to my demons than to grapple with them. Is it possible to become a fighter or do you have to be born one? I was not born one.

If only I could emulate these feelings of goodwill from myself all of the time, not just like now, and then, and then, and a bit more. Consistency, but in a positive way.

1. Allah can do anything.
2. The earth and sky are for us.
3. None can create any likeness of the Book.
4. The fuel for the Fire is men and stones.
5. No examples used are too small or insignificant; that which He creates, He can quote.

Surah Al-Baqarah - today's lessons learnt.

The magpies are back

The magpies =(
How I can sometimes not stand them. I cannot even flap my arms at them and make them fly away because the magpies are not afraid of me. They are slowly turning me into a magpie too. Moody little me. I am becoming a magpie. This I realized today. And decided I needed to do something about it. Only when I have stopped becoming a magpie myself can I do something about the existing magpies. Or have I already become like them? =(
It is easy to feel like a stupid little something around big people. Big people with big mouths and big heads and dreams and ideas and aspirations and passion and...and goals. Goals. Despicable goals.

Fight

Horrible horrible dreams. People from the half-past out to haunt you. Open deception, lying, cheating, lap it all up. Relive moments that you try to keep pushing back and out and down and away. Relive them, but do you act all the same? Or this time, does nobility and honor save you? And make you act differently...
Watch it make all the difference in the world.
Burn out contact points. Smoke and burn. Brush the ash under the floor carpet. And feel it under the soles of your feet every time you walk across the room. Again, and again, walk, and feel. Again. And again.
Beg and grovel for release from painful memories whisked out of your subconscious that whip you on old scars, and then create new ones.
Beg.

the craving for pancakes and maple syrup

hello. how are you? i hope you are doing well.

I hope.

Hope.

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

There is more to a fever-induced delirium than is visible to the mildly unconcerned eye. More than what comes sprouting out of your mouth or dribbles inconsiderately in any crooked fashion. The question, the very question, that you elude. That, is the delirium. The question. The question you elude.

Peace.

Busy for so long, so infinitely long, that things have been unthinkingly suppressed. This I should have foreseen...the slightest hint of room in my mind to think, and the world would turn upside-down. So much came tumbling out all at once that at first my mind was unable to numb me from the shock and save me from the tumultuous confusion that followed. Then I spent three agonizing 24-hour sessions sorting through the mess: feeling, thinking, tearing, despairing, and being a general robot. Now I am not calm - I am simply numb. It's what I'm best at. And of course, it means I've shelved most of the garbage again, and a bit of provocation will lead to a meltdown. So be it. Everything I cannot control.
Numbness breeds indifference. I long for those days when I could be completely numb. But somewhere along the way someone broke through my defenses and now totality is something I can no longer achieve =/ I am bitter. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to spread or share. When ever before have I felt so helpless? So...alone. I sorted and sifted through card after card, face after face, and found no one. Hence, the armor is coming on up. I'm building back my walls again. I might answer if you knock hard enough. Otherwise, I'm shelled.

Me

"Come little girl, let us wander down half-lighted forest paths, crunch through dead pine needles and broad leaves, and chase after wriggly worms while the sun plays perpetual hide and seek. Come!"

Jan'na chahtay ho?

La waris lash ki tadfeen ka tareeqa
1. Lash ka postmortem honay say pehle phone krein.
2. Murg report, naql report aur lash ki 4 adad taza tasaweer.
3. 2 adad constable humrah.
4. Dopaihr aik bajay k baad lash wasool nahi ki jaye gi.

The Cry.

Negativity we must conquer. Climb up on and on, forever and ever, buffeted by despairing winds, pushed backwards, and then pulling up and against it, and wheezing through each semi-movement.

Feed not the wrong wolf, I hear her say. I believe it, but is it enough to abashedly brush things under the carpet, or should one somehow extract it out like a dentist in a good mood? I must get out of the dung-hole before it's too late. Somehow. Soon.
I am trying, I tell myself. Over and over i repeat it, whisper it, scream it into my own ears, wail and gasp and screech and tear. I repeat. But is it true?

But the heartache will not lessen.
It will not.

Help.

the last

Come and go, come and go, touch and whisper, on and off, you: top, i: top, paint, words, videos, music, pictures and priceless love. the world turns round and comes full circle. karma...do your thing! punishment is mine!

The Cruet

"And she held it carefully with both hands, bending down to peer inside, her tightly curled brown locks swinging around her expression of wonder and excitement. With the palm of her left hand, she rubbed it slowly, back and forth and waited expectantly..."