the moron lives

"I mean, it's embarrassing, telling the person you love that you love them. It shouldn't be, but it is. Also, it didn't seem like something Jane Eyre would do."

New love: The Princess Diaries

I wish I was Meg Cabot's best friend.

Me and the banana tree <3

I wanna sing a song to that banana tree, because it surely made my day! And to think, I didn't even know I owned my very own b-tree. How many of you have seen one for real?

Is there something wrong with wanting the good stuff? I mean, sometimes it seems the idea of wanting to be happy over sad doesn't mean anything at all. Why not sad? Why not existing the way things are...instead of forever trying to be happy, forcing yourself to experience merriment and joy when your being so obviously wants the opposite?
Only a tired person (like me, perhaps) would not find the struggle worth it. The constant struggle.

sunshine-fairy-goblin-happy!

This post has been waiting to get its bum up here for a few days now. And today it sees the light! (ignoring the fact that it is now evening).
And why is this post so darn special over all other oh-so-amazing bloggies of mine?
Because

it

is

an

announcement

(ok I'll stop that, I know its getting annoying)

Because it is an announcement bloggy! To declare that I have somehow recovered my sense of humor. Its been a few years since we've met so one of us is acting a little shy, and I'm not sure which. In any case, goodbye to the angst-filled bloggies of moi, and hell-o to sunshine! <3

P.S. - I will add a totally cool new accessory to my laptop soon and that will make me happppyyyyy (x100). Plus it'll make me feel all high-tech and everything.
It's called a mouse. Jealous, much?

Come and dissect. Please. Pretty please. Soon, and swiftly. Then slice the umbilical cord in one quick movement and lay out the body to rest. Leave the mind in turmoil, but the let the body to rest.

drag

Procrastination has become embedded inside me, engraved on every fiber of every muscle.
Pulling it out could be a nasty business, but then are so many other businesses. Nasty. Nasty jobs are usually VERY satisfying once they have been fully accomplished. Hence, I shall proceed straight to the nasty. No more procrastinat-blah-ing. I'll get right on it - once I've finished writing the rest of what must be written. Written NOW.
Haha.
Lame.
Thank you *bows*

These fluctuations I do not understand sometimes. Why do they come? And what do they mean? Sometimes I think it's because I am not at peace, and my being is in too much turmoil, and once I achieve that peace of mind that my body seems to be revolting for, they will disappear.
I cannot fight against them all the time - mainly because I am not a fighter, and I tire quickly. It is so much easier for me to give in to my demons than to grapple with them. Is it possible to become a fighter or do you have to be born one? I was not born one.

If only I could emulate these feelings of goodwill from myself all of the time, not just like now, and then, and then, and a bit more. Consistency, but in a positive way.

1. Allah can do anything.
2. The earth and sky are for us.
3. None can create any likeness of the Book.
4. The fuel for the Fire is men and stones.
5. No examples used are too small or insignificant; that which He creates, He can quote.

Surah Al-Baqarah - today's lessons learnt.

The magpies are back

The magpies =(
How I can sometimes not stand them. I cannot even flap my arms at them and make them fly away because the magpies are not afraid of me. They are slowly turning me into a magpie too. Moody little me. I am becoming a magpie. This I realized today. And decided I needed to do something about it. Only when I have stopped becoming a magpie myself can I do something about the existing magpies. Or have I already become like them? =(
It is easy to feel like a stupid little something around big people. Big people with big mouths and big heads and dreams and ideas and aspirations and passion and...and goals. Goals. Despicable goals.

Fight

Horrible horrible dreams. People from the half-past out to haunt you. Open deception, lying, cheating, lap it all up. Relive moments that you try to keep pushing back and out and down and away. Relive them, but do you act all the same? Or this time, does nobility and honor save you? And make you act differently...
Watch it make all the difference in the world.
Burn out contact points. Smoke and burn. Brush the ash under the floor carpet. And feel it under the soles of your feet every time you walk across the room. Again, and again, walk, and feel. Again. And again.
Beg and grovel for release from painful memories whisked out of your subconscious that whip you on old scars, and then create new ones.
Beg.

the craving for pancakes and maple syrup

hello. how are you? i hope you are doing well.

I hope.

Hope.

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

There is more to a fever-induced delirium than is visible to the mildly unconcerned eye. More than what comes sprouting out of your mouth or dribbles inconsiderately in any crooked fashion. The question, the very question, that you elude. That, is the delirium. The question. The question you elude.

Peace.

Busy for so long, so infinitely long, that things have been unthinkingly suppressed. This I should have foreseen...the slightest hint of room in my mind to think, and the world would turn upside-down. So much came tumbling out all at once that at first my mind was unable to numb me from the shock and save me from the tumultuous confusion that followed. Then I spent three agonizing 24-hour sessions sorting through the mess: feeling, thinking, tearing, despairing, and being a general robot. Now I am not calm - I am simply numb. It's what I'm best at. And of course, it means I've shelved most of the garbage again, and a bit of provocation will lead to a meltdown. So be it. Everything I cannot control.
Numbness breeds indifference. I long for those days when I could be completely numb. But somewhere along the way someone broke through my defenses and now totality is something I can no longer achieve =/ I am bitter. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to spread or share. When ever before have I felt so helpless? So...alone. I sorted and sifted through card after card, face after face, and found no one. Hence, the armor is coming on up. I'm building back my walls again. I might answer if you knock hard enough. Otherwise, I'm shelled.

Me

"Come little girl, let us wander down half-lighted forest paths, crunch through dead pine needles and broad leaves, and chase after wriggly worms while the sun plays perpetual hide and seek. Come!"